Victory For The Comic Muse

Release Date

Jun 2006

Victory For The Comic Muse is the ninth studio album and features the singles: A Lady Of A Certain Age, To Die A Virgin and Diva Lady.

To Die A Virgin Well we've been going together Since the eighth of November Though it seems like forever I very clearly remember You told me on our first date What you'd do on my birthday Well hooray it's my birthday! And frankly, baby, I can't wait I don't want to die a virgin The other day I discovered A magazine of my brother's I read it under the covers It got me all hot and bothered Now every time that I see you Your uniform becomes see-through You don't know how much I need you The Handy Andy's I've been through I don't want to die a virgin "The pines and the cedars rejoice in his fall How are you fallen from heaven? Oh Hellel, star of the morning" With all the bombs and the bird-flu We're probably gonna be dead soon And here we are in your bedroom Oh did I tell you I love you, I love you, I love you I can feel your heart beating And your breathing increasing Your folks are out for the evening I really hope I'm not dreaming I don't want to die a virgin

Mother Dear It was not that long ago it first occurred to me That my mother was a person in her own right Now I realize how very lucky I have been And there, but for the grace of God, go I Mother dear - she can see inside Mother dear - and I've nowhere to hide Mother dear - did I spoil your plans? Mother dear - I do the best I can When I was a teenager I really did believe That my parents had adopted me And the way I carried on They must have thought they'd brought the wrong Little baby home from maternity I'd like to say I'm sorry but my... Mother dear - she already knows Mother dear - she'll never let me go Mother dear - kept me warm and safe Mother dear - I'll never lose my faith in mother dear If I ever get arrested by the C.I.A. Because they take me for a foreign spy They won't need no lie-detector, all they'll have to do Is make me look into my mother's eyes And I'd tell them anything they like Mother dear - she can see inside Mother dear - and I've nowhere to hide Mother dear - kept me warm and safe Mother dear - I'll never lose my faith in mother dear Mother dear - did I spoil your plans? Mother dear - I do the best I can

Diva Lady She's a diva lady She's a hopeless case She needs extra make-up For her extra face She's a hopeless case She's a diva lady She's got special needs She wants chocolate candy But no blue ones please She's got special needs She lives in a vacuum She has no real home Where did diva come from? Where shall diva go? She has no real home She's got thirty people In her entourage Just in case her ego Needs a quick massage She's got a famous boyfriend They go out in style She makes him look hetero And he helps her profile She's a diva lady She looks down her nose At the shoes I'm wearing And my care-worn clothes Such a pretty nose

A Lady Of A Certain Age Back in the day you had been part of the smart set You'd holidayed with kings, dined out with starlets From London to New York, Cap Ferrat to Capri In perfume by Chanel and clothes by Givenchy You sipped camparis with David and Peter At Noel's parties by Lake Geneva Scaling the dizzy heights of high society Armed only with a cheque-book and a family tree You chased the sun around the Cote d'Azur Until the light of youth became obscured And left you on your own and in the shade An English lady of a certain age And if a nice young man would buy you a drink You'd say with a conspiratorial wink "You wouldn't think that I was seventy" And he'd say, "no, you couldn't be!" You had to marry someone very very rich So that you might be kept in the style to which You had all of your life been accustomed to But that the socialists had taxed away from you You gave him children, a girl and a boy To keep your sanity a nanny was employed And when the time came they were sent away Well that was simply what you did in those days You chased the sun around the Cote d'Azur Until the light of youth became obscured And left you on your own and in the shade An English lady of a certain age And if a nice young man would buy you a drink You'd say with a conspiratorial wink "You wouldn't think that I was sixty three" And he'd say, "no, you couldn't be!" Your son's in stocks and bonds and lives back in Surrey Flies down once in a while and leaves in a hurry Your daughter never finished her finishing school Married a strange young man of whom you don't approve Your husband's hollow heart gave out one Christmas Day He left the villa to his mistress in Marseilles And so you come here to escape your little flat Hoping someone will fill your glass and let you chat about how... You chased the sun around the Cote d'Azur Until the light of youth became obscured And left you all alone and in the shade An English lady of a certain age And if a nice young man would buy you a drink You'd say with a conspiratorial wink "You wouldn't think that I was fifty three" And he'd say, "no, you couldn't be!

The Light Of Day I found a photograph of you and me Drinking sangria somewhere by the sea There's laughter in our eyes and dreams in our hearts Before life waded in and tore it all apart When there's no more lies to hide behind And no more tears to cry, I know we'll be alright 'Cause even though the skies above are cold and grey I'm sure tomorrow we will see the light of day I found some letters from a happier time I smelled the scented pages and re-read the lines Why must the summer always turn into the fall? Why must we lose love to ever know love at all? When there's no more lies to hide behind And no more tears to cry, I know we'll be alright 'Cause even though the skies above are cold and grey I'm sure tomorrow we will see the light of day The light of day shining through our window pane...

Threesome Instrumental

Party Fears Two Originally By The Associates I'll have a shower And then phone my brother up Within the hour I'll smash another cup Please don't start saying that Or I'll start believing you If I start believing you I'll know that this party fears two And what if this party fears two? The alcohol loves you while turning you blue View it from here From closer to near Awake me Don't turn around I won't have to look at you And what's not found Is all that I see in you My manners are failing me I'm left feeling ugly And you say it's wonderful To live with I never will So what if this party fears two? The alcohol loves you while turning you blue View it from here From closer to near Awake me! I'm standing still And you say I dress too well Still standing still I might but it's hard to tell Even a slight remark Makes no sense and turns to shark Have I done something wrong? What's wrong is wrong it's always wrong

Arthur C.Clarke's Mysterious World Do you remember that old TV show Arthur C.Clarke's Mysterious World? Well if ITV make a new series They ought to come take a look at my girl I don't understand her She doesn't make any sense to me I don't understand her It's like she's speaking in Swahili Do you remember that girl in the early eighties Allergic to everything? Everywhere that she went in her plastic tent The doctors tried but they couldn't begin To even understand her And it's exactly the same for me I don't understand her She is as deep as the Baltic Sea Well it's no big deal, I'm not complaining Sometimes things don't need explaining She's my angel, that's the main thing And that is never changing She's a mass of contradictions A pick'n'mix of strange convictions It can be a source of friction But there are worse afflictions Love doesn't make distinctions Now to make matters worse she claims the universe Is expanding like a balloon But baby if it's meant to be infinite Then where is it expanding to? I don't understand you You just don't make any sense to me I don't understand you You are completely logic free I don't understand her, no no She is uncharted territory I don't understand her But she's as lovely as she can be

The Plough I packed up my suitcase and left the old farm I promised my papa I'd come to no harm And I went to the city where I was employed In a firm of accountants as an office boy I fetched and I carried, I watched and I learned And slowly but surely I rose through the firm But then I discovered my colleagues one day Massaging the figures for personal gain I said, "I'll not wallow in this house of shame" I'll plough my own furrow, I'll go my own way Gravely I listened to Reverend McBride Down at the mission house each Friday night Heaven's salvation for those who know best Hell and damnation for all of the rest Try as I might I could not understand Why The Almighty's all-merciful hand Should cast away those whose only mistake Was never to know the Christian faith The stars that we follow can lead us astray I'll plough my own furrow, I'll go my own way I fled from the capital's bourgeois malaise And trekked through the wilderness for fourteen days Till I found the guerillas camped high in the hills I asked Comrade Diaz whom I should kill I crept into town with a knife in my teeth And entered the home of the Chief of Police I stood at his bedside and raised up my blade But then I looked to the crib where his little one lay You murder tomorrow by killing today I'll plough my own furrow, I'll go my own way

Count Grassi's Passage Over Piedmont Below the Po rolls slow from Alps to Adriatic Sea Blow old bellows, blow Take us where you will Padua, Genoa, Corsica, Catalonia O Segovia O unfathomable firmament That we should set a course between the two Clinging only to our orb of blue and red Like Romanovs to a Faberge egg Push Sisyphus, push Heave our sphere into the heavens If I'm to die then let it be in summertime In a manner of my own choosing To fall from a great height on a warm July afternoon Liverwurst, Battenburg, Emmenthal, Syllabub, Muscadet Throw it all away We need more height, toss it all over the side! O Newton, release this apple from its earthly shackles And live to fight another day 'Go back from whence you came', the swallows cry 'You've corrupted and befouled the ground you walk upon And now you come to poison the skies' Please friends, forgive this brief intrusion

Snowball In Negative Smoking my six-hundredth last cigarette Out of the studio sky-light Watching the ash as it rolls down the roof Leaving a trail of grey-white All through its short life it gives of itself Giving and giving and slowly diminishing Until there isn't a crumb of it left It no longer is It's a snowball in negative Wandering home along Marlborough Road I realize in amazement That I have been, for how long I don't know Avoiding the cracks in the pavement All through this short life we give of ourselves Giving and giving and slowly diminishing Leaving a mark that will gradually fade Ash in the breeze Snowballs in negative