Charmed Life - The Best Of

When I hold you in my arms
And look back on my charmed life, my charmed life
I hope, I hope if nothing more
That one day you'll call your life a charmed life

Well I've never really worried that much
About making lots of money and such
And I always seem to land upon my feet
And though there's been some difficult times
The good times were never far behind
I've snatched all of my victories from the jaws of defeat

When I hold you in my arms
And look back on my charmed life, my charmed life
I hope, baby I hope if nothing more
That one day you'll call your life a charmed life

Well, the course of true love never ran smooth
They broke my heart and I broke theirs too
And breaking up is so very hard to do
But I knew I'd find the one
And sure enough she came along
And not long after that along came you

Well sometimes this life is like being afloat
On a raging sea in a little row-boat
Just trying not to be washed overboard
But if you take your chances and you ride your luck
And you never, never, never, never, never give up
Those waves will see you safely to a friendly shore

When I hold you in my arms
I know that this is a charmed life
A charmed life

Take the National Express when your life's in a mess
It'll make you smile
All human life is here
From the feeble old dear to the screaming child
From the student who knows that to have one of those would be suicide
To the family man
Manhandling the pram with paternal pride

And everybody sings 'ba ba ba da...'
We're going where the air is free

On the National Express
There's a jolly hostess selling crisps and tea
She'll provide you with drinks and theatrical winks
For a sky-high fee
Mini-skirts were in style when she danced down the aisle
Back in '63 (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
But it's hard to get by
When your arse is the size of a small country

And everybody sings 'ba ba ba da...'
We're going where the air is free
Tomorrow belongs to me

When you're sad and feeling blue
With nothing better to do
Don't just sit there feeling stressed
Take a trip on the National Express

Norman and Norma got married in Cromer
April 1983
It could have been warmer but Norman and Norma
Were happy as they’d ever been
They flew to Majorca and swam in the water
It felt just like having a bath
The piña coladas hit Norma hard
And she fell into bed with a laugh
And she said…

Oh, Norman, it’s never ever felt like this before
And oh, Norman, I’ve never really known your kiss before
Oh no, Norman, Norman…

Norman and Norma had three lovely daughters
Nadia, Nora and Niamh
The firm Norma worked at wouldn’t take her back
After maternity leave
They dreamt of Majorca but couldn’t afford to go
On Norman’s salary
So they went to Cromer, got double pneumonia
And Norma remembered when she used to say…

Oh, Norman, it’s never ever felt like this before
And oh, Norman, I’ve never really known your kiss before
Oh no, Norman, Norman…

Twenty years on and the children have gone
And they’re both at a bit of a loss
They’ve tried salsa classes and growing tomatoes
But nothing is getting them off
Then one day in Clacton there’s a re-enactment
Of Normans and Saxons, and this
Gets their juices flowing, before long they’re going
And fighting like it’s 1066!
And she says…

Oh, Norman, it’s never ever felt like this before
And oh, Norman, I’ve never really known such bliss before
Oh no, Norman…

She said, "There's something in the woodshed
And I can hear it breathing
It's such an eerie feeling, darling"
He said, "There's nothing in the woodshed
It's your imagination
End of the conversation, darling"

Something in his heart told him to come clean
He was not who he claimed to be
Something in his genes told him to pretend
'Twas something for the weekend

But she said, "There's something in the woodshed
I know because I saw it
I can't simply ignore it, darling"
So he said, "Now baby don't be stupid
Get this into your sweet head
There ain't nothing in the woodshed (except maybe some wood)"

Something in his heart told him to come clean
He was not who he claimed to be
Something in his jeans told him to pretend
'Twas something for the weekend

"I'll go all the way with you
If you'll only do the same for me
Go and see
If it's nothing like you say
Then you can have your wicked way with me"

He went down to the woodshed
They came down hard on his head
Gagged and bound and left for dead
When he woke she was gone with his car and all of his money

Pale, pubescent beasts
Roam through the streets and coffee-shops
Their prey gather in herds
Of stiff knee-length skirts and white ankle-socks
But while they search for a mate
My type hibernate in bedrooms above
Composing their songs of love

Young, uniform minds
In uniform lines and uniform ties
Run round with trousers on fire
And signs of desire they cannot disguise,
While I try to find words
As light as the birds that circle above
To put in my songs of love

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

So sing while you have time
Let the sun shine down from above
And fill you with songs of love

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

So let's sing while we still can
While the sun hangs high up above
Wonderful songs of love
Beautiful songs of love

I’ve thumbed the dog-eared pages of my paperback life
Re-read confusing passages that never worked out right
All the muddles and miscommunications that landed me here
All the fights and late night conversations
All the wasted tears

Well I have made my fair share of mistakes
I’m not an angel, but then again I’m no fake
And I don’t regret a single day
They were the best mistakes I’ve ever made

I’ve tried to throw the past out
I’ve tried to shed my skin
But the days go by so fast now
I kind of like remembering

The young man sitting at the station in a world of his own
The new sound, the overnight sensation
Flying so high that I couldn’t let go

Well I have made my fair share of mistakes
I’m not an angel, but then again I’m no fake
And I don’t regret a single day
They were the best mistakes I’ve ever made
They were the best mistakes I’ve ever made

I did my time on the merry-go-round
And if I had to choose between then and now
I’d choose now

All the muddles and miscommunications that landed me here
All the fights and late night conversations
All the wasted tears

Well I have made my fair share of mistakes
I’m not an angel, but then again I’m no fake
And I don’t regret a single day
They were the best mistakes I’ve ever made

Well I have made my fair share of mistakes
I’ve been a poet, a preacher, a fool, and a rake
And I don’t regret a single day
They were the best mistakes I’ve ever made
They were the best mistakes I’ve ever made

We go down to the indie disco every Thursday night
Dance to our favourite indie hits until the morning light
At the indie disco, the indie disco
At the indie disco, yeah

We've got a table in the corner that is always ours
Under the poster of Morrissey with a bunch of flowers

We drink and talk 'bout stupid stuff
Then hit the floor for Tainted Love
You know I just can't get enough
Of the indie disco, the indie disco
At the indie disco, yeah

Give us some Pixies and some Roses and some Valentines
(We're in heaven)
Give us some Blur and some Cure and some Wannadies
(We'll dance forever)

And now we're moving to the beat
And staring at each others feet
I wonder if she fancies me
At the indie disco, the indie disco
At the indie disco, yeah

And when it's over and I'm freezing on the night-bus home
I think of her and I sing the words to my favourite song (Oh Yeah)

She makes my heart beat the same way
As at the start of Blue Monday
Always the last song that they play
At the indie disco, the indie disco, at the indie disco yeah yeah yeah
At the indie disco, the indie disco, at the indie disco yeah

I wanna chill, I wanna sit real still
I wanna sleep like the dead on a bed of roses
Me and my lovely wife
We're in the prime of life
I wanna feel real, I wanna free-wheel
I wanna steal the show from under their noses
I wanna get you off
Well ain't that enough?
I'm gonna abseil down my ivory tower
And buy myself a Jaguar

I'm a bad ambassador for that elusive place you're searching for
I wanna show you so much more, but maybe some other time

I wanna play with the big boys
I wanna ride with the tough guys on a Japanese motorbike
I wanna hold your hand
Hey, what's your favourite band honey?
I wanna look like they looked, I wanna shake like they shook
I wanna take what they took
I wanna get you high
Don't ask me why
It's just something I've got to do
I'll try to make it up to you

I'm a bad ambassador for that elusive place you're searching for
I wanna show you so much more, but maybe some other time
Yeah, maybe some other time

I'm not the Pope
And I don't wanna be the Archbishop of Canterbury

I'm a bad ambassador for that elusive place you're searching for
I wanna show you so much more
Yeah, I could show you so much more
But I'm a bad ambassador
Well, maybe some other time...

Back in the day you had been part of the smart set
You'd holidayed with kings, dined out with starlets
From London to New York, Cap Ferrat to Capri
In perfume by Chanel and clothes by Givenchy
You sipped camparis with David and Peter
At Noel's parties by Lake Geneva
Scaling the dizzy heights of high society
Armed only with a cheque-book and a family tree

You chased the sun around the Cote d'Azur
Until the light of youth became obscured
And left you on your own and in the shade
An English lady of a certain age
And if a nice young man would buy you a drink
You'd say with a conspiratorial wink
"You wouldn't think that I was seventy"
And he'd say, "no, you couldn't be!"

You had to marry someone very very rich
So that you might be kept in the style to which
You had all of your life been accustomed to
But that the socialists had taxed away from you
You gave him children, a girl and a boy
To keep your sanity a nanny was employed
And when the time came they were sent away
Well that was simply what you did in those days

You chased the sun around the Cote d'Azur
Until the light of youth became obscured
And left you on your own and in the shade
An English lady of a certain age
And if a nice young man would buy you a drink
You'd say with a conspiratorial wink
"You wouldn't think that I was sixty three"
And he'd say, "no, you couldn't be!"

Your son's in stocks and bonds and lives back in Surrey
Flies down once in a while and leaves in a hurry
Your daughter never finished her finishing school
Married a strange young man of whom you don't approve
Your husband's hollow heart gave out one Christmas Day
He left the villa to his mistress in Marseilles
And so you come here to escape your little flat
Hoping someone will fill your glass and let you chat about how...

You chased the sun around the Cote d'Azur
Until the light of youth became obscured
And left you all alone and in the shade
An English lady of a certain age
And if a nice young man would buy you a drink
You'd say with a conspiratorial wink
"You wouldn't think that I was fifty three"
And he'd say, "no, you couldn't be!

Once there was a time when my mind lay on higher things
And once there was a time I could find pretty words to sing
But now, well now I find it saves time to say what you mean
I know it seems so unrefined but it's time to let off some steam

Oh come on!
Everybody knows that no means yes
Just like glasses come free on the NHS
But the more I look through them the more I see
I'm becoming more like Alfie

Once there was a time when a kind word could be enough
And once there was a time I could blindfold myself with love
But not now - now I'm resigned to the kind of life I had reserved
For other guys less smart than I
You know - the kind who will always end up with the girls

And besides everybody knows that No means Yes
Just like glasses come free on the NHS
But the more I look through them the more I see
I'm becoming more like Alfie
Oh come on!

I'm becoming more like Alfie

William wakes with his clothes on
The morning call has been and gone
And he might not make the flight but he will try
Bit by bit it comes back to him
A bunch of Belgian business men
And a strange drinking game, oh God why?

Come home Billy Bird, international business traveller
Come home Billy Bird

He hails a cab but the driver sucks
He drives so slowly and he talks so much
That it hurts Billy Bird's aching brain
He runs from the cab to the check-in desk
She says, "no way??, but William begs
On his knees, "Please, please, please"
"Well ok"

Come home Billy Bird, international business traveller
Come home Billy Bird

Drenched in sweat he finds his seat
And with the luggage squeezed down beneath his feet
He begins to think that things can't get no worse.
But then a voice says, "bags that can't be stowed
In the overhead locker must go below in the hold
Please let go, thank-you sir"

Come home Billy Bird, international business traveller
Come home Billy Bird
Come home William
Come home

He runs on past the carousel
Screaming, "damn my luggage all to hell.
I can buy a new shirt and tie any day"
He rides from the airport into town
To the high-school football ground
Where his son has just begun his big football game

Come home Billy Bird, international business traveller
Come home Billy Bird

Have you ever started dancing in the middle of a shopping mall
Have you ever burst out laughing for no reason at all
Have you ever noticed the rhythms in the rain
And have you ever felt the ecstasy of pain
Have you ever been in love

Have you sung along to all the silly love-songs you hate
And have you had to pinch yourself to make sure you're awake
Have you ever felt like you could float into the sky
Like the laws of physics simply don't apply
Have you ever been in love

Have you ever met somebody who could see inside your head
Have you ever been so happy you've lain awake in bed
Have you ever figured out the meaning of life
Just by looking into someone else's eyes
Have you ever been in love

No matter how I try
I just can't get her out of my mind
And when I sleep I visualise her
I saw her in the pub
I met her later at the night-club
A mutual friend introduced us
We talked about the noise
And how it's hard to hear your own voice
Above the beat and the sub-bass
We talked and talked for hours
We talked in the back of our friend's car
As we all went back to his place

On our friend's settee
She told me that she really liked me
And I said "cool, the feeling's mutual"
We played old 45's
I said "it's like the soundtrack to our lives"
And she said "true, it's not unusual"
Then privately we danced
But couldn't seem to keep our balance
A drunken haze had come upon us
We sank down to the floor and we sang
A song that I can't sing any more
And then we kissed and fell unconscious

I woke up the next day
All alone but for a headache
I stumbled out to find the bathroom
But all I found was her
Wrapped around another lover
No longer then is he our mutual friend

Generation sex respects the rights of girls
Who want to take their clothes off
As long as we can all watch that's ok
And generation sex elects the type of guys
You wouldn't leave your kids with
And shouts "off with their heads" if they get laid

Lovers watch their backs as hacks in macs
Take snaps through telephoto lenses
They chase Mercedes Benz' through the night
A mourning nation weeps and wails
But keeps the the sales of evil tabloids healthy
The poor protect the wealthy in this world

Generation sex injects the sperm of worms
Into the eggs of field-mice
So you can look real nice for the boys
And generation sex is me and you
And we should really all know better
It really doesn't matter what you say

How can you leave me on my own
How can you leave me on my own
When did you say that you’re coming home
How can you leave me on my own

When you leave I become a moron
A beer swilling, time killing moron
I surgically remove all of the green food from my diet
I know I should be reading but I’m too lazy to try it
I keep the TV on all day to chase away the quiet when you leave

How can you leave
Me on my own
How can you leave me on my own

How can you leave me on my own
How can you leave me on my own
When did you say that you’re coming home
How can you leave me on my own

When you leave I become a dickhead
A bad smelling, couch dwelling dickhead
I drink too many cups of tea and eat too many biscuits
I think about going out - decide not to risk it
I look at naked ladies ‘cause I’m too weak to resist it when you leave

How can you leave
Me on my own
How can you leave me on my… oboe

How can you leave me on my own
How can you leave me on my own
It’s not the same talking on the phone
How can you leave me on my own

When you leave I become a caveman
A bed head, brain dead caveman
I stare at all the photos and the texts that you have sent me
I curl up with the dogs, I think they’re starting to resent me
I wanna go to bed, but the bed is just too empty when you leave

How can you leave
Me on my own
How can you leave me on my own

How can you leave me on my own
How can you leave me on my own
When did you say that you’re coming home
How can you leave me on my own

Give me your love
And I'll give you the perfect lovesong
With a divine Beatles bassline
And a big old Beach Boys sound
I'll match you pound for pound
Like heavy-weights in the final round
We'll hold on to each other
So we don't fall down

Give me a wink
And I'll give you what I think you're after
With just one kiss I will whisk you away
To where angels often tread
We'll paint this planet red
We'll stumble back to our hotel bed
And we'll make love to each other
Till we're half dead

Maybe now you can see
Just what you mean to me

Give me your love
And I'll give you the perfect lovesong
Give me your word that you'll be true
To me always come what may
Forever and a day
No matter what other people may say
We'll hold on to each other
Till we're old and grey

We took your Daddy's car and drove it to the sea
We fooled around for hours
And then when we got tired and it got dark
We found a place to park
And we watched the sun set fire to the sea

Can you feel the sadness in our love?
It's the only kind we're worthy of
Can you feel the madness in our hearts
As the key turns and the engine starts?

We took your Daddy's car and drove it into town
We steamed into a bar
And we bought the biggest bottle of champagne
And driving through the rain we sang
'God bless this car, and all who sail in her!'

Can you feel the sadness in our love?
Well, it's the only kind we're worthy of
And can you feel the madness in our hearts
As the key turns and the engine starts?
Engine starts

We took your Daddy's car and wrapped it round a tree
We didn't know what for
We didn't feel like driving any more
It was so good we got bored
And we are driving from the day we are born

Can you feel the sadness in our love?
well, it's the only kind we're worthy of
And can you feel the madness in our hearts
As the key turns and the engine starts?

You wanted a life of ease
A world free of drudgery
Everything done by machines
You wanted a life of ease

Now you’ll never work in this town again
You’ll never work in this town again
No, no

Ned Ludd was a working man
Things changed and it forced his hand
He took a hammer and he made a stand
‘Cause Ned Ludd was a working man

Now you’ll never work in this town again
You’ll never work in this town again

You wanted a life of ease
A world free of drudgery
Everything done by machines
Well here it is, your life of ease

That crazy algorithm has you in its sway
It’s making the decisions for you every day
You’re living in a prison of your own design
That crazy algorithm’s making up your mind

You’ll never work in this town again, girl
You’ll never work in this town again
You’ll never work in this town again, boy
You’ll never work in this town again
No, no…

Absent friends, here's to them
And happy days, we thought that they would never end
Here's to absent friends

Little Jean Seberg seemed
So full of life, but in those eyes such troubled dreams.
Poor little Jean

Woodbine Willie couldn't rest until he'd
Given every bloke a final smoke before the killing
Old Woodbine Willie

Steve McQueen jumped the first one clean
But the great escape he'd tried to make was not to be
Maybe next time Steve

Laika flew through inky blue
Till Laika neared the atmosphere and Laika knew
Laika's life was through

Oscar Wilde was a lonely child
He fought and won acceptance from the world
They smiled, they laughed, they praised
They drove poor Oscar to his grave

Absent friends, here's to them,
And happy days, we thought that they would never end,
But they always end
Raise your glasses then to absent friends

Everybody knows that I love you
Everybody knows that I need you
Everybody knows that I do, except you

I told the stars above
About the one I love
I told the morning sun
Yeah I'm telling everyone
I told my mum and dad
They seemed to understand
And I'll get through to you
If it's the last thing that I do

Everybody knows that I love you
Everybody knows that I need you
Everybody knows that I do, except you
Everybody knows that I live for you
Everybody knows that I adore you
Everybody knows that it's true, except you

I told all of my friends
Again and again and again
I drove them round the bend
So now you're my only friend
I told the passers by
I made a small boy cry
And I'll get through to you
If it's the last thing that I do

'Cause everybody knows that I love you
Everybody knows that I need you
Everybody knows that I do, except you

I'm going crazy baby
What do I have to do?
You know I love you baby
Maybe you love me too

Everybody knows that I live for you
Everybody knows that I adore you
Everybody knows that it's true, except you
Except you, except you, except you
How come everybody knows, except you?
Oh everybody knows that I love you
And everybody knows that I need you
Everybody knows that I do, except you

A butterfly flies through the forest rain
And turns the wind into a hurricane
I know that it will happen
'Cause I believe in the certainty of chance

A schoolboy yawns, sits back and hits return
While round the world computers crash and burn
I know that it will happen
'Cause I believe in the certainty of chance

And I believe
I can see it all so clearly now

You must go and I must set you free
'Cause only that will bring you back to me
I know that it will happen
I'm sure that it must happen
Oh I know that it's gonna happen
Because I believe in the certainty of chance

I was born in Londonderry
I was born in Derry City too
Oh what a special child
To see such things and still to smile
I knew that there was something wrong
But I kept my head down and carried on

I grew up in Enniskillen
I grew up in Inis Ceithleann too
Oh what a clever boy
To watch your hometown be destroyed
I knew that I would not stay long
So I kept my head down and carried on

Who cares where national borders lie?
Who cares whose laws you're governed by?
Who cares what name you call a town?
Who'll care when you're six feet beneath the ground?

From the corner of my eye
A hint of blue in the black sky
A ray of hope, a beam of light
An end to thirty years of night
The church-bells ring, the children sing
What is this strange and beautiful thing?
It's the sunrise
Can you see the sunrise?
I can see the sunrise
It's the sunrising

So many heartbreaks, so little time
Too many tragedies, too many crimes
Put on your body armour, prepare your alibis
‘Cause there is no one else gonna put it right

To the rescue
Down the streets and alleyways
Past the Chinese takeaways
Through the wind and driving rain
To the rescue
When the world won’t understand
And government’s got other plans
Take the law into your hands
To the rescue

Got a vigilante sleeping in my bed
I looked for Marilyn, I got Che instead
But I’ll march behind you wherever you may go
And I’m more proud of you than you can ever know

To the rescue
Through the snow and freezing rain
Down deserted country lanes
Round the world and back again
To the rescue
Taking the forgotten ones
The big and small, the old and young
When nobody else will come
They’ll come to the rescue
To the rescue

Tonight we fly
Over the houses the streets and the trees
Over the dogs down below
They'll bark at our shadows
As we float by on the breeze

Tonight we fly
Over the chimney tops, skylights and slates
Looking into all your lives
And wondering why happiness is so hard to find

Over the doctor, over the soldier
Over the farmer, over the poacher
Over the preacher, over the gambler
Over the teacher
Over the rambler, over the lawyer
Over the dancer, over the voyeur
Over the builder and the destroyer
Over the hills and far away

Tonight we fly
Over the mountains, the beach and the sea
Over the friends that we've known
And those that we now know
And those who we've yet to meet

And when we die
Oh, will we be that disappointed or sad?
If heaven doesn't exist what will we have missed?
This life is the best we've ever had